The Legend of the Crazy Cat Lady: Part Two

Part two
This place is the park. You like it because so many squirrels and birds like to hang around here. It’s great practice for hunting. There are always a lot of other cats here, but you don’t mind. Most of them are purebred ‘show cats’ like Henry from down the road and don’t actually take advantage of the great hunting, just strut around and show off.

And Henry is in the park today. He’s still fat, fluffy, and boastful. Really boastful. In fact, he’s in the middle of boasting to a group of other, less fluffy, purebred cats. You decide to see what the topic is today and find out that it’s how brave the Persian breed is. And in the process, implying that a cat of no particular breed like yourself is somewhat less than adequate.

Being a cat, you cannot take that sort of thing lying down. You sidle into their group with your tail up. Then you say, Maybe the Persian breed is brave, but have you got any proof?

Angie, a Bengal, looks at Henry. Yeah, Henry. Prove the fluffy cats have as much bravery as they have fur.

The others nod. Some are Bengals like Angie, others are Japanese bobtails, and a few are Abyssinians. Show us, Henry, they say.

Henry turns to me. So you doubt the courage of the Persian breed? Why not test the courage of a mix, such as you?

And immediately the others are with Henry. It is time for a quick decision. Do you want to possibly risk one of your nine lives for your dignity? You’re not feeling particularly cautious today. But you are always aware of your dignity. And the last time you had a bruised dignity, it took you weeks to heal.

It wouldn’t bother me. You sit down and wrap your tail over your paws, looking supremely unconcerned. You are you, and therefore you are braver, stronger, and more deserving than any of these other cats.

Very well. Then you’ll accept a dare? Henry’s round eyes start glinting. You wonder if this dare might very well cause you to lose a life.

Yes I will. You flick your tail contemptuously and perform a Disconcerting Glare on Henry.

He doesn’t look disconcerted. So you flick your tail again and say, Get on with it, Henry.

I dare you to go to the Crazy Cat Lady’s house and then go inside. His flat face is smug as he says it.

You try another Disconcerting Glare. But now you are feeling disconcerted yourself. The Crazy Cat Lady is something known by everybody. Everybody knows at least two things: she is crazy. And she has a lot of cats. Her house is far out of town and very spooky.

Your dignity is at stake here. And being a cat, you can’t just let it be burned there. I accept your dare, you say, and saunter off immediately. You are going to go to the Crazy Cat Lady’s house and come back in time to greet Suzy when she comes back so she can get out some of that delicious tuna you’ve been smelling for weeks but couldn’t get because she put it in the refrigerator.

The show cats follow you. You don’t look at them. They do not bother you. They are simply spectators, creatures for you to show off for. And of course you can’t miss a chance to show off. You change your saunter to a swagger and crook your tail at the tip.

You are feeling very confident.